Some boys dream about the future.
Some dream about escape.
Jason dreams about being struck by lightning.
Not because he thinks it would fix anything.
Not because he thinks it would make him brave.
But because at least it would be quick.
At least it would be honest.
In With Thoughts of Jason, Caleb A. Mertz delivers a coming-of-age novel that doesn’t hide behind nostalgia or easy redemption. Instead, he gives us something far more unsettling and far more real: a portrait of a young man forced into the open before he’s ready, and the fragile, dangerous freedom that follows.
Jason is weeks away from graduating high school when his life collapses in on itself. Suddenly exposed and turned into a target, he becomes trapped in a daily cycle of humiliation and isolation. Rumors spread faster than he can contain them, and the school halls become a place of quiet dread, where every whisper feels like a weapon and every day feels longer than the last.
But life doesn’t break cleanly. Sometimes it fractures just enough to let something new grow through.
An unexpected incident removes his worst tormentor from the picture and leaves Jason on the outside looking in—suspended. Disconnected. And, for the first time, free from the constant pressure of being watched. In that space, Jason finds something he never expected: people who see him not as a target, but as someone worth knowing.
What follows is the fragile construction of a chosen family. Nights filled with music and smoke and the electric feeling that maybe, just maybe, life can be more than survival. Tameera brings a fierce honesty that cuts through Jason’s fear. Abby offers a loyalty that asks for nothing in return. And then there’s Danny—unpredictable, magnetic, and carrying the dangerous promise of first love. With them comes laughter. Possibility. Even hope.
Jason begins to imagine a future. He begins to imagine himself in it.
But secrets have gravity. And the truth, once uncovered, doesn’t stay still.
When Jason learns something that could destroy the person who once destroyed him, the balance of power shifts. What was once simple cruelty becomes something darker and more volatile. The safety Jason has built starts to feel temporary. Conditional. Fragile. And he’s forced to confront a reality that so many before him have faced: that being visible, being honest, being yourself, can make you a threat in a world that depends on your silence.
Caleb A. Mertz writes with an emotional clarity that never feels forced. There’s no sentimentality here, no artificial protection for the characters or the reader. The friendships feel real. The love feels real. And the fear feels real. Fans of Swimming in the Dark and We Are the Ants will recognize the emotional terrain, but With Thoughts of Jason carves its own space—a quieter story, but no less devastating.
This is a novel about youth.
About betrayal.
About the people who save us.
And the people who try to destroy us.
It’s about what it means to be chosen.
And what it means to survive.
Because sometimes you find your family.
Sometimes you find love.
Sometimes you find yourself.
And sometimes…
The truth finds you first.
With Thoughts of Jason by Caleb A. Mertz is available now.
Read it carefully.
It doesn’t let go easily.
